expectations

i hate it
how pplz dont realise that
its hard keeping it up.

i hate it when
i dont live up to other peoples expectations;
to my expectations.

dont they realise that sometimes i get tired too?
that i want to just forget all the stupid crap im supposed to do,
and just relax?
but i cant.

i dont like it how people just assume
that im going to get a good mark for a test..
just because im sunny sun.

because when i dont get that result,
it just makes me feel all the more guilty,
more dissapointed.

i wish my mum didnt always expect so much from me,
even though i know
its only because she believes in me.

i just wish that once in a while i could come home
with my C+
and have someone tell me that it was a good effort,
that i should just try harder next time.

but instead
all i get is "what happened?"

and then there are the people
that dont understand
that even though i may have done better than them
i still failed myself.
the raw marks mean nothing.
its the comparison between your past results that really matter.
so when i say i did bad, it just means that i could have gotten better,
because i ddnt live up to my expectations.
(and im sorry if ive ever offended anyone by saying i did crap when you got a worse mark
but i dont mean it that way)

i just want to give up
and stop trying to keep up the pace,
because im burning out.

but its too late.
because its my own expectations
that are burdening me the most.

i cant help it