bu zhi dao

missed school today
mums going to be pissed when she comes back home
shes going to ignore me
i know it


i hope this doesnt turn into routine
i refuse to be emo


you seem fine
so im the only one shitting myself probably


i seriously need to not care as much about the whole situation
but right now i cant get it out of my damn head
i'll force it out of my head
i can hide
i know you think i cant hide
maybe i can though. maybe i can hide just enough so that you guys cant hurt me this much
just enough so that im not fully distracted from anything else
enough so that the screwed up thoughts in my head can go away
? do you think i can?


maybe if i keep fakelaughing...it will turn into real laughter :O
BAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
err no that just sounds out of place


what the hell am i thinking?
argh im so confused
i need someone to just figure it out for me
ITS SO DAMN CONFUSING
why am i even feeling this way this fucked up way
it all comes down to my fault doesnt it
yes


no i dont want to keep thinking about this
i only want to think about my studies right now
eliminate problems
need to find a way to do that


omg why did i even let myself be this fucked
its unfair. to me. to you guys.
i'll fix it
yes? no. i'll try



how long will it take? until things are normal enough for you to stop hiding
im just DYING to know -.-
and also how your feeling right now
is it really fine for you now? is it just me that is sad we cant be normal?


i wish i understood all this shit im feeling
so i can do something about it
but now i dont even know what to do
other than run


oh god


♥SUNdae

i dont give a.....i wish

the word that perfectly summarizes my mood atm is FUCK
which i would prefer not to use but PHUCK doesnt seem to quite fit

also seeing as my mood is shit + im pmsing + shit keeps happening...excuse me if i use repetition of swearwords ok cos they seem to make a better point :)

well basically
im fucking pissed
i would be pissed at you. but i know its not your fault
so instead i just alternate between being pissed at you and pissed at me :)
oh btw this is AFTER the extreme emoness which im sure is going to come back and haunt me very soon
ok i dont give a crap if i sound like some whiney little brat emo
but my life is shit and i dont know how i got here
i mean did you NOT know the implications of acting this way?
i mean COME ONNNNNNNN
GRRRRR
BUT THEN AGAIN NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT
its all my bloody fault omfg
memememememyselfandi
yes thats right once again the fool digs herself into a hole thats too tight to get out of
ok so im left here
not knowing what to do
and going all boohoo one moment then RAWR the next moment
and this just HAS to come at this perfect timing when i already have crappy stuff to worry about
WHY am i so damn stupid? like seriously
ok i refuse to let myself keep crashing everytime something happens
BUT I CANT DAMN HELP IT
and now im not going to be able to concentrate on anything
I MEAN WHY THE HELL WOULD I BE SO STUPID AS TO NOT DO ANY STUDY WHEN FRKN EXAMS ARE FRKN 2MONTHS AWAY

you know what
if i knew exactly what you were thinking or what you wanted or what you need
then i'd know what to do
but now im like stuck
AND YES I SOUND LIKE A BITCH BUT THATS COS IM AT THE PEAK OF MY PISSDOM RIGHT NOW AND I WANT TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT BEFORE I START FEELING ALL EMO AND LAME AGAIN

omg this is so unfair seriously
i wonder...was it planned? or did it suddenly pop into your strangestrange head while you were eating a ham sandwich
maybe i'll have a inspirational POP of my own when i eat my damn sandwich next time

ok NOTE TO WHOEVER READS THIS if anyone does;
if you have a problem with someone. tell them. cos that way you can solve it without them going WTF ARE YOU DOING and it might actually HELP the situation instead of screwing it up

plan x looks more and more inviting
i mean like if im going to be depressed anyway i might as well double the depressness and just go the full way
this week i swear is so unlucky

ok if i wasnt such a chicken i would run away right now
from everything
to like that lil island in singapore or something like that
omg unfortunately my life isnt as cool as the chick in boysoverflowers

omfg how the fuck am i meant to study now
oh im screwed
wish i was like sushi...study is her distraction
im like the opposite...stuff like this just distracts me from studies
oh man after doing so shit in the sac and pmsing THIS had to happen.. THEN MUM HAD TO JUST BE THE ICING ON THE CAKE
i am seriously inches away from bursting
somethings gotta give.. i swear
i cant keep up with all of it





OMG ITS ALL MY FAULT WHAT DID I DO WRONG WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
why does it have to be like this
i mean did you have to go the the extreme :(
why why why why whyyy
HOW DID IT GET HERE
okokok its my fault its all my fault
can we just you know be normal
cant we all be happyfamily yay no worries kinda thing??

i have my assumptions
which i wish are totally wrong and off track
but they seem to be a perfect fit atm
sigh


will whatever your doing make you happy?
i mean will it solve whatever you need to solve?
if it makes you happy if its what you want
then i'll try tank it
will it really?


man i wish i knew what you were thinking right now
are you even slightly upset about what your doing?
or does it make you feel better
am i the only one being lame

LOL no wait i think i know the answer
yes i over dramatize stuff
so this is prob the same yer?
i mean i could like wake up and then realise it was just a misunderstanding yer?
despite all the damn evidence that even i, the slow one, picked up


and why am i not writing this in my diary damn
stupid diary have to handwrite OMGG takes me forever

well yes well
im screwed
and i need a EXIT plan
anyone? someone?


omg just to think only yesterday we were still discussing ...-.-
i hope this helps you
cos its screwing me up
i hope this foolishness stops soon
because i would really appreciate being able to concentrate on my studies when i need to
ie the next 2months?
and yes this isnt making me concentrate
=.=
unless i get my brain washed :O
BAHAHHAHH
sigh no

well im off
mass D&M coming upp
i am sooooo going to stick pins and voodoo you next time i get pissed =.=


OH MY GOD THIS IS SO CHILDISH
=.=

♥SUNdae

home alone

♥♥♥♥
When I say jump,
you say how high
I ain't never seen nobody,
how they get so high
Like a bird, like a plane,
this party got me insane
This party got me insane,
so jump jump jump jump
♥♥♥♥





yes thats RIGHT im home on a normal school day
and NOT because im wagging =.= LOOLOL
DOUBLE ACCOUNTING GOT CANCELED!! only 1st&6th period...and unimath =.=
bahhah TY wilson for walking me down to the busstop &waitingg
OMG SIF MISSED THE BUS =.= had to wait like 30mins hommggg

ANYWAYYS
theres been HEAPS of times the past few days when i reallyreally wanted to blog =.= but MUM WAS USING THE COMP AND RAGING AT ME =.= so unfortunately i was unable to update

yesyes well what have i got to say? lol
BUSYTIMES we are living in
which is why i have given up on my spesh sac =.= its tmr and i KNOW i wont be able to do shyt tonight..not with formal to worry abt

sighh WE BETTER BE DOING SOMETHING AFTER DEB or else i would have skipped formal AP for nothing =.=
hmm dont evn know if mum will let me out after deb :S

OH YES. MAJOR DISSAPOINTMENTTTT
didnt get to see that meteor shower last night =.= should have gone to mt dandy
but someone was too chicken to -.-
nawwww i had 2 wishes all lined upp
still working on the 3rd one :D LOLOL i'll make that one later when i can think of a pro one that covers like 5wishes in 1 BAHAHHAHA im asian i want better value (Y)



hmm suddenly had the thought
if you had to choose between family and friendship who would you choose?
frienship or love?
love or family?

if you could spend the last year of your life with one person...would it be your brother.sister.parents? your best friend? or your crush?

hmm very hard questions LOLOL
i mean i know that laogoongtracy values friendship over love LOLOL
ahhh gotta love her for all her wise advice (Y)
but then she prob would prefer family over friends right?
hmmmm which would i prefer
i mean on a day to day basis prob choosing to hang with friends over family is normal..
but when it comes down to something big. e.g. if here was gonna be a MASSIVE meteor shower LOL and you could only hang with ONE person...wouldnt someone in your family be more important?
but then again either way you would be emo =.=
LOLOLL cos you would have 'ditched' other people
HOMG SUCH A HARD QUESTION




OH AND YES ANOTHER DEEPANDMEANINGFUL THING FOR YOU TO PONDER
while B1 and i were perving on puppy photos @ borders we came across this quote

"In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing."

-Mignon McLaughlin

ROFLMAO some serious corniness going on here
but yes...is what this mcLAUGHlin guy's claim true???
i mean LOL as i pointed out LOVE can be heapps of types of love. FRIENDSHIP IS LOVE FAMILY IS LOVE
so how is it possible that ONE person can be everything
i mean 2 - 1...leaves you with heaps of other love
which does NOT equal nothing =.=
so yes I DISAGREE because love isnt all invested in one person. its invested in HEAPS of people =.=

so B1 how do you like my logic huh :D persuaded yet?
BAHAHHAH yesyes we found other VERYcoolcorny quotes too (Y) which i shall get off his phone later LOOLOOLL


okok i am going to stop being a noob and d&ming with the laptop screen in the middle of a school day the day before my spesh sac and formal :D


OFF TO EAT!!?

♥SUNdae

FMLLLLL

lolol this is what i get for loving dramas too much (Y)


cbb writing anything
only:

bum: lets not make option 1 or option 2 an option :] cos both are lamee
AND STOP THINKING OKAYY sheeshhhh
you have nothing to think with anywayy
:D


B1: yousuckforsleepingsodamnearly
i shall get you back for this
i want my cake
no wait i want my bow
=.=
no wait i want a cakebow



♥SUNdae

UG

ohbummer
LOLOOL I AM SO NOT READY FOR THE DAMN SAC ON FRIDAY 3chaptersbehind
FML FML FML FML FML FML FML

OK ANYWAYY
lool i am currently fbing. writing in my diary. and blogging :D multitask much?
not to mention the food that i am digesting as we speak.type.read.whatever

YESTERDAY was the shizz
LOL as per usual woke up L-A-T-E
well sushi did too so that makes it ok? BAHAHHAHAHAHAH
yesyes poor B1&Bum got no sleep :X
so met up at monashh thn drove to school to pick up sushi seeing as we both had to lie to our mummys that we were going house ath LOLOL
LOONGGG drive to crown..which i cant comment much on cos i was dead in the backseat ROFLMAO
bummed around crown buying food and checking out the YUMx10 cakes on display (that certain lame people wouldnt let me buy -.- cos we had cake the day before already)

'THE UGLY TRUTH' at 12 ♥♥
ROFL would have laughed more if i understood more of the dirty jokes...B1 im sure you understood all of them =.=
frkn BEAN wtf is a BEAN =.= mrBEAN greenBEANS BEANbag BEANie carriBEAN ???
yes anywayyy was a good movie ROFLL esp when that dude from ps.iloveyou kept saying all this lame stuff abt relationships =.=
sorry but I OBJECTT??? sheesh he makes it sound so..primitive ROFLMAO well i guess guys are just monkeys in disguise

snuck into cinema 2..and nearly shytted myself cos it was DRAGMETOHELL =.=
LOOLL so went into PUBLICENEMY
mm not THEBEST movie ever but johnnydepp+batman = worth the 1hr we spent LOOL
"bye bye blackbird" ♥

couldnt decide what to do after..and seeing as no one else was up to gelato i decided to GO WITH THE FLOW and resist the temptation
drove back to glenny to drop off sushi.
WAS GOING TO GET ICECREAM♥..but thn you know we happened to walk past JGs and dumplings are always on bums todo list :]
OMG GUYS YOU WASTE SO MUCH FOOD. theres people starving in africa cos of ppl lik eyou =.=
AND GUESS WHO SAW ONCE WE GOT IN THE CAR??? EMILYYY
BAHAHAHHAHHAH in his haste to reverse the car and avoid getting bashed..bum honked her ROFLLL so funnyyyyyyyyyyyyyy you chicken-arse-yr5-girl=.=

ANYWAYYY picked up teck and went to morningtonn
in a nutshell DO NOT GO TO BEACH ON A WINTER NIGHT AFTER RAIN UNLESS YOU ARE PROPERLY EQUIPPED WITH THE CORRECT THERMAL PROTECTION =.=
hung around the playground
then due to certain NAGGY people who wanted to go home cos he had to get to his cousins house before 9 =.= we leftt
teck first. pompom second. me last :D cos im cool thats why
wasnt able to squeeze in much sleep on the way backk
LOL surprisingly mum didnt crack it at me when i got home at 10 ROFLMAOOO :D:D

OMFG I JUST REALISED NOW IM GONNA HAVE TO WRITE THIS IN MY DAMN DIARY?? WTH NO WAY =.=

anywayyys got home. tried on formal dress to see how lame i look. result:pretty lame OMG need to diet DIET DIET DIET DIET
mum was using the laptop...damn. was gonna stay up seeing as B1&Bum claimed they wernt gonna sleep again =.= fkrn nuts thats what they are
BUTT i told her to get off..and i pretended to climb into bed and sleep
who knew that im so good at pretending? ROFLMAO
11hrs sleep make me a sunny sun :D
next time guys (Y)

OMG LONG BLOG
anywayyy
today went to try out this chem tution
errr what can i say...I SO CBF WITH 2HRS OF REDOX STUFF RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAMN DAY =.=
then got dropped off @ chaddy for some quality aloneshopping ♥
then..home. fb. MASSIVEdinner. now :D

LOLOL OMG I SWEAR I AM NOT WRITING THIS IN MY DIARY =.= ksjdka
GG for my poor hands
okok i shall go fill up those blank pages noww
LATERS YUMMEHS



♥SUNdae

pshh

fine. fine. fine. fine. FINE.


you suck



:)



♥SUNdae

1moreday

My favorite love song is your ringtone
But i haven't heard it once at all today
Call me tomorrow, like my nothings wrong
And you forgot that it's been 6 months since the day





ONE MORE DAY AND I"LL BE FREE TO FB/MSN :D
so yes so you people who bet that i couldnt do it....SUCKSHYT
BAHAHAHHAHAHAHH bum&B1 you guys shud be proud of me

wellwellwell
results came out todayy
better than i expected LOL thankgod..otherwise mum wud like throw me a thunderstorm
most people were satisfied with their results i think (Y)

sighhhh omg mangg
i want a new diary
LOLOLOLOLOL
my old one is so lameee. and the one im writing in has no lock =.=
yes as soon as im not as broke anymore I SHALL GO BUY MYSELF A NEW THICK DIARY WITH A LOCK ;] or combinationlock or some kinda strap at least
IM RATHER SUPRISED that i have been able to keep up regularily updating my diary for the past..err 10days LOLOL

next 2 weeks are like fullhectic for me
damn
i can like sense more arguments with mum -.- gg man
still trying to find the balannceeee
hopefully the past 2 months arent going to be the reason for my failed vce LOL
I NEED 96+ omgggg
if i dont then...yeh ima like go cry in my room
no wait mum would prob like disown me =.= so i'll go cry in a cardboard box? BAHAHHAHH
ok maybe not -.-

FML ACCOUNTING SAC TMR AND I HAVNT LOOKED AT TEXTBOOK YET
aljdkahdksafksajfashfdksahdsa
not to mention ENG SAC ON WED...havnt evn written a practice essay -.- or reviewed the movie
OHMANNGGG

rightright optimism is the way to go
i smell dinner so BYE FOR NOW..NOT FOREVER!!! -elliot (rollercoaster)



♥SUNdae



p.s. i♥gemma :)